We Make Ourselves Humble, and He Makes Us Holy

Today's view of marriage is a casual one, with a what's in it for me? mindset often taking the front row seat.  That's not to say most if not all individuals don't enter into a marriage thinking about his or her spouse's happiness and needs, but commonly the foundation is built upon the self-interest of the individual rather than the fulfillment of the "one flesh" union.  Prenuptial agreements are a prime example of this.  According to family.findlaw.com, "While no one is thinking about a divorce when they get married, about one half of all marriages in America end up in divorce proceedings.  So it's often prudent to at least consider a prenuptial agreement."  In addition to being told that it would be imprudent to not consider a prenuptial agreement, society strives to convince us that marriage is not a prerequisite to happiness, and can even be burdensome.  While it's true that marriage does not guarantee happiness or that you can live happily as a single person, this message undermines the happiness and fulfillment marriage has brought to billions in the history of time!  It also undermines the truth that marriage is the bedrock of a strong society.  

A common theme the above examples encompass is selfishness and entitlement.  If we aren't getting out of it what we feel we're owed, then we may as well abandon it.  After all, I'm worth more than that, right?  Or, I deserve better, don't I?  Those who think this way are missing out on the true purpose of marriage and the joy that can be experienced when approached with the right perspective.   

H. Wallace Goddard, PhD, author of Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, talks about how centering our lives and marriages around God changes our hearts and perspectives.  In Goddard's words, "understanding doctrine softens our hearts and leads to Christ-like behavior, which culminates in happy marriages.  Rather than learn a new set of skills for dealing with difficulties, we seek a change of heart."  A change of heart can transform a marriage for better or worse.  But we have to continually work to maintain that change - to be converted.  It takes consistent desire and effort.  Goddard further states, "There is no ladder we can climb from terrestrial thinking and acting to celestial thinking and acting.  We do not become celestial by adding a pinch of Jesus to a terrestrial life. ... We make ourselves humble, and He makes us holy."  In other words, we must immerse ourselves daily in the gospel and truly become converted, at which point our actions will be reflect this and we will recognize and nurture our marriages with greater respect, mercy, and love.

So many facing marital troubles seek professional help, assuming this is their last hope and that if counseling doesn't fix it, walking away is a normal and acceptable solution.  But when we are converted, we realize first, that abandoning a marriage is rarely the answer (with the exception of certain cases), and second, that Christ is our greatest source of help.  Not to say God doesn't use professional counselors as instruments to help his children.  But we should never rely solely on such help.  In Goddard's words, "He comes humbly to our broken-down hopes and offers to carry us to spiritual healing.  Some of us resist.  'No, thanks.'  I am waiting for an M.D. or other appropriate professional.'  We may not realize that all of our problems are ultimately spiritual - and that Jesus is the great Healer.  He heals every malady."

Whether we are married, unmarried, yearning for but not yet finding a spouse, or not interested in marriage at all, it is wrong to diminish the value of this holy institution or the role it plays in our society, not to mention the role our Savior can play in guiding us through it when we stumble or fall.